Feeling Helpless as a First Responder

The First Responder
As a school counselor, I often feel like the first responder in a psychological crisis.  I am like the EMT that escorts the child to the psychological hospital (aka. the therapist's office) where most of the intense recovery work takes place. 

Unfortunately, for some of my students, the parents either do not have the resources or do not see the need for their student to receive counseling, and the child is left in my care.  I am the only "psychological" doctor they will see.

At a recent conference, I was grappling with the anxiety of being a first responder in trauma recovery.  After a presentation on trauma, I once again felt the helplessness of only being a school counselor. 

Hoping to find some inspiration, I pursued a conversation with the presenter. "Many students at my school are dealing with trauma."  I recounted a story to him of a child who had witnessed a terrifying domestic violence incident. The child sobbed in my office as she told me the story.  I felt helpless.  I knew this child needed support to process such a cruel act.  She herself felt helpless.  How could I, feeling helpless myself, help her? 

A Healing Relationship
In this moment, I was to be what Judith Herman (1997) calls "a healing relationship."  Peter Levine and Maggie Kline (2007) compare it to being "a band-aid or a splint. The band-aid or splint doesn't heal the wound, but protects and supports the body as it restores itself" (p.84).  Peace refers to this relationship as "the Constant" - a relationship we can recall in our memory that is comforting, consistent, and inspiring.  Peace says this relationship may be "your mom, a close friend...your cat, a deceased relative." 

In all three definitions, this healing relationship is consistent and provides a safe place for healing to occur. The school counselor is the band-aid.  The school counselor is the healing relationship.  The school counselor is the Constant to many children who have experienced trauma. 

Below are several research-based guidelines for establishing a safe, healing relationship with children who have experienced trauma.

1. Set boundaries.
After a child has experienced trauma, they may actively seek someone to relieve them of their pain.  The child may idealize the counselor, or another adult they trust.  They may set such high, impossible standards for the counselor that the counselor will inevitably fail.  Talk with the child about boundaries, and what you can and cannot do as their counselor (Herman, 1997).

2. Empower the student.
Do not assume the role of "rescuer", thereby allowing the child to stay in the role of "victim."  Herman (1997) warns that "the more the therapist accepts the idea that the patient is helpless, the more she perpetuates the traumatic transference and disempowers the patient" (p.142).  Give the child as much opportunity as possible to make choices, voice their feelings, and be their own advocate.  In the beginning, help the child establish safety by focusing on taking care of themselves (e.g. eating and sleeping routines), managing their post-traumatic symptoms, and developing trust. 

3. Care for yourself.
Listening to traumatizing stories day after day is exhausting.  You emotionally identify with the child, sometimes experiencing similar feelings of helplessness and fear.  As you hear and "re-live" these stories, you must grapple with existential questions like "How can a loving God allow this to happen?"  You may call into question some of your own relationships and find yourself being less trusting of others.  In order to care for the child through this emotional tumultuous process, you must also care for yourself.

Herman (1997) compares trauma recovery to running a marathon.  It is not a single event.  It is not one single moment in time where the child bares their soul.  Instead, it is a slow process that requires honesty, grit, and a healing relationship.

I do not suggest that trauma recovery work should take place in the school setting.  However, trauma and its symptoms are brought to school everyday.  The school counselor must be prepared to be a first responder to children in trauma. While we may not be the private practice counselor that processes the traumatic event with the child, we do want to be a safe, healing relationship for the child.


References
Levine, P. A. & Kline, M (2007). Trauma through a child's eyes. Berkeley, California: North Atlantic Books and Lyons, Colorado: ERGOS Institute Press.
Herman, J (1997). Trauma and recovery. New York, NY: Basic Books.
Peace (unknown). Psychopath free.

Why I Matter So Much (and Why YOU Do Too!)

The past few months have been quite stressful.  Working as a school counselor at a high needs school means lots of crisis intervention, lots of teacher consultation, and lots of individual counseling on serious issues. 

The title of this post may sound pompous.  If so, it is misunderstood.  It is not just why I matter so much, but also why YOU matter so much. 

This week, I had to remind myself that I am the most valuable therapeutic tool I have available.  CBT is great, and social skills training can be effective, but none of these techniques or tools compare to the value of myself.

If the students see me as approachable, they will seek me out.  If the students see me as safe, they will drop their defenses. If the students see me as trustworthy, they will share their hidden truths. If the students see me as caring, they will know that their feelings matter in this great big world.

Any counselor can SAY all of these things - "You can trust me.  Your feelings matter.  You are safe here."  But showing them WHO I AM is what welcomes their trust, respect, and confidence AND makes the difference.

 

Do you feel like you are less than approachable, less than safe, less than....how do you become who you want to be?  I have 2 quick rules that guide me as a school counselor.

1)  No child (or teacher) is an interruption.  Interruptions are part of my job (although they didn't make the official job description).  Deal with interruptions with grace - as if you were expecting the person.  Although boundaries are needed, never make a student feel like their feelings, needs, or presence are unwanted or unimportant.

2)  Be genuine.  The truth is I love my kids.  Carl Rogers speaks of congruence in person-centered therapy.  If you don't love your kids, if you have lost your passion, step back and reflect. Genuineness will fuel the extra emotional energy, the extra time, and the extra creative power you need to be an effective counselor.

Bulletin Boards for the New Year

"Ways to Make Friends" Bulletin Board

 

 

Hopefully this bulletin board will be a great tool to reference during individual counseling and especially small group counseling! 

"See Our 'Fin'tastic Work" Bulletin Board



 

I am excited to display student work on this bulletin board!

"Surf's Up with the 7 Habits" Bulletin Board

 



This bulletin board displays the 7 Habits based on Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Happy Kids.  It just happens to be right above my sandbox, which works well!

A few more Bulletin Boards based on the 7 Habits

Our school has adopted the "Leader in Me" program based on Sean Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and 7 Habits of Happy Kids.

Below are a few bulletin boards I created this past year based on the 7 Habits...

The 7 Habits According to the Presidents

 

 

Habit 1: Be Proactive - Student Work Display

 



"Happy" End of the Year Video

Our staff at school had fun making this end of the year video to the popular song "Happy"!  We changed the words to fit the end of the year theme!

Enjoy!

5 Things for the School Counselor to Do This Summer

1. Reflect

If you are anything like me, you are always thinking ahead...what will my next lesson be?  What will my next project be?  What new counseling technique will I begin using? 


Before you look ahead this summer, look back:
     1. What does my data say about this year?
     2. What would my colleagues say?
     3. What would the parents at my school say?
     4. What would my kids say?
     5.  And then take 5 giant steps back and ask, What would I   
         say?

The level of honesty in your reflection will be equivalent to the level of growth you can experience from your reflection.

The greatest tool of a counseling program, even that of an educator, is yourself.  YOU have to be healthy, compassionate, and available to be effective.

2. Find a good read.

It doesn't matter where you read - in bed at night, by the pool, with your feet in the sand, at the kitchen table eating breakfast, but make time for one professional read this summer.  Here are a few of my favorites:


     1.  How to Win with People by John Maxwell
     2.  Personality Plus by Florence Littauer
     3.  A Framework for Understanding Poverty  
          by Ruby Payne
     4.  How to Win Friends and Influence People
          by Dale Carnegie
     5.  Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor
          Frankl


3. Read up on legal and ethical issues.

During the school year, everyday concerns take over - lessons, making copies, parent phone calls, putting out fires.  There is little time to build on our "foundational skills and knowledge." 

Follow this link to find 2-3 ethical/legal issues that relate to your school, and get up to speed!
http://www.schoolcounselor.org/magazine/category/legal-%7C-ethical

4. Organize your guidance lessons by ASCA's categories - career, social-personal, and academic.


It's this simple - make sure your guidance lessons are in a binder and then sort them into 3 categories using dividers - career, social-personal, and academic.  If you find that one category has only 1 or 2 lessons, look around for a few new ideas for that category.

If you want to go one step further, I sort my guidance lessons into binders by grade level.  This makes it super easy to find a lesson for a class when I need one! 


5. Find your inspiration for next year. 

     1. What will be your top 3 goals for next year?
     2. What is your personal mission statement in your job?
     3. What specific students and/or teachers do you want to connect better with next year?
     4. Which of your talents and strengths do you want to use more next year?  And how will you do
         that?

My personal mission statement is simple - "I want someone to look at me and say, "Because of you, I didn't give up.'"

Two Leadership Tips

Over spring break, I have been listening to several of John Maxwell's leadership books, including "Leadership 101" and "How to Win with People."

Two quotes from the books have stuck with me.

"Do win-win, or don't do it at all." ~ John Maxwell

In my role as school counselor, I work with so many different people - teachers, administrators, students, parents, cafeteria workers, janitorial staff, and office staff.  When things get hectic, I sometimes become focused on myself and what I need.  I forget all about what the other person needs or how she feels. 

While getting what I need may seem advantageous in the moment, it can be devastating to my relationships with others.  I must remember - my relationships with others are my #1 asset.

For example, when I am doing behavioral plans for students, it is important that I give the teacher as much support as possible.  If I just do my part and then say, "Good luck," I have failed.  I am creating a win-lose situation.  In order to "do win-win," I need to create the plan with the teacher and student, provide ongoing support, and offer as much help as I can.

"Do the things that provide the greatest return." ~ John Maxwell

Almost any counselor will tell you that one of their greatest challenges is a four letter word - TIME.  Between staff meetings, guidance, crisis needs, small groups, parent requests, 504 meetings, paperwork, and student needs, I often find myself wondering where my time went. 

In order to be most EFFECTIVE, I need to ask myself, "What thing(s) do I do that have the greatest impact?  What has the greatest return?"  I need to focus my efforts on these things. 

Every school has different needs, and therefore different tasks will have a different return.  After reflecting, I decided that the following tasks have the greatest return at my school:

~ Guidance Instruction
~ Individual Counseling (teacher referred and self referred)
~ Teacher Consultation and Support

Tracking Students

If you are a school counselor - I am sure you have had this experience...

You are in the hallway walking from Point A to Point B and a teacher stops you to alert you about a student concern.  You listen, acknowledge the problem, and commit to work with the teacher and student to help resolve the problem.

You continue to walk and another teacher stops you to discuss a student problem.  You respond similarly, and continue walking.

By the time you arrive back at your office, 3 teachers have shared 3 concerns with you, but you only remember 2 of the 3 concerns.  You quickly write in your planner or on sticky notes a brief description of the issue, and then rush off to teach a guidance lesson.

How Do We Track Student Needs?
I currently work at a school with a high number of individual student needs.  I have the scenario above happen to me on a weekly basis.  I truly believe in being preventative in my approach through guidance lessons, but often times I am working with students who are in crisis or acting out in the moment.

A little over a week ago, I decided that I need a way to prioritize and better track students.  Although my brain is pretty amazing at multi-tasking, it sometimes fails when managing a caseload of 550 students and over 25 teachers. 

Tracking Tool on Google Drive
So I created a simple tracking system on Google drive to help me track my students.  This is different from my individual counseling log, and instead helps me to group students by need.  I think this tracking system will help me as a I create small groups, target specific needs in our school, and ensure that I am working with priority need students individually.

To create this in Google, simply click Drive --> Create --> Spreadsheet.  Or if you're less comfortable with Google, you can create an old-fashioned spreadsheet. 

Categories
I chose 5 categories for students:

• Priority Students (Students who recently experienced a crisis - recent death, suicidal ideation, family change, recent disclosure of abuse)
• Social Skills and Friendships (Students with "girl drama" issues, students with Asperger's/Autism, students who have difficulty maintaining positive relationships with others)
• Anger Management (Defiance issues, threatening others, fighting, disrespecting the teacher)
• Motivation (Students not turning in homework, lacking study skills, not making a connection between schoolwork and their future, apathetic attitude)
• Check-In Students (Students who need to be regularly encouraged or need a positive adult relationship in the school to keep on track.)

How to Use this Tool
This spreadsheet is meant to be fluid - as student needs change, so does the spreadsheet.  It is meant to be a planning tool.  At the beginning of the week, I can sit down with my planner and my Google drive spreadsheet and decide:

• Who do I need to see this week?
• Do I need to create any small groups?
• Are there any students I need to add or remove from my tracking lists?

Using Guided Imagery and Meditation with Children

What is Trauma?

When we think of the word trauma, we typically think of war, accidents, or 9/11.  However, trauma can be caused by a variety of things - domestic violence, medical procedures, falls, divorce, death of a family member, bullying, and natural disasters.

As Levin and Kline (2007) note, "Trauma is in the nervous system - not in the event."  This basically means that how the child processes the event determines whether it becomes traumatic to the child.

Levin and Kline (2007) identify 3 parts of the brain. 

1. The first is the neocortex, which is the thinking part of the brain.  The complexity of this part of the brain makes human unique.
2. The second is the limbic part of the brain, which deals with emotions and memory. 
3. The last part of the brain is the brain stem and cerebellum, which deals with survival instincts. 

Using Guided Imagery and Meditation

When trauma occurs and is not processed, physiological sensations may remain in the brain stem and cerebellum - such as fear, hyperarousal, or constriction.  Our typical counseling techniques do not work when dealing with unresolved trauma. This part of the brain is not accessed by asking a child how they feel (e.g. happy, sad, angry) or by asking them to think about the situation. 

This brings us to guided meditation.  Guided meditation engages the child's entire being in using their five senses (touch, taste, smell, hearing, seeing).  It helps the child become in touch with 1) a relaxed state of being, the opposite of hyperarousal.  It also 2) gives the child the opportunity to access physiological sensations that may still exist from the trauma.  Often these sensations are semi-conscious or unconscious to the child, but may still impact the child.

Trauma Through a Child's Eyes, Levine & Kline (2007).

Examples

Below is an example of one guided meditation that can be used with children.

The video below is a good introduction to guided meditation for children.  However, I would recommend that children close their eyes throughout the entire meditation.  I find the video to be distracting.

Applications for the School Counselor from "Man's Search for Meaning" - Part 2

Frankl addresses what he calls "the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way" (Frankl, p. 66).

Attitude is Everything
Psychology discusses the locus of control within an individual. Students with an external locus of control believe that external events determine their happiness. When things go wrong, they are likely to blame others, blame their teacher, and blame their circumstances. Pointing the finger or phrases such as "But he did this to me" are common from these students.  They feel that their world is controlled by the events around them.

On the other hand, students with an internal locus of control believe that they maintain a sense of control despite external events.  For example, a student with an internal locus of control will say, "I am responsible for my actions" despite their classmates goofing off or being disruptive.

One of my fourth grade students demonstrates an internal locus of control.  Despite living in poverty herself, she chooses to focus on what she can do.  She babysits younger children in her neighborhood and helps to teach them letters and numbers. 

As school counselors, we must help students change the lens through which they view the world. 

Questions that promote an internal locus of control include:

• Can you control him/her?
• Who are you responsible for?
• What was your part in the problem?
• What can you do to help change the situation? 

Helping Students Find Meaning

Frankl said "the prisoner who had lost faith in the future - his future - was doomed" (Frankl, p. 74). Based on Maslow's hierarchy of needs, we know that students living in poverty worry about their physiological and safety needs.  Sometimes my students are sleeping on couches, worrying about what they will eat for dinner, afraid of being evicted from their home, or fearful of neighborhood violence.  These students are living at the bottom of the pyramid.
 


(Image taken from costaricantimes.com)

The top portion of Maslow's pyramid focuses on concepts such as "respect of others", "morality," "achievement", and "inner potential."  When working with students in poverty, it is important to support their ascent to the top of the pyramid.  Frankl quotes a saying - "He who has a why to live can bear with almost any how (Frankl, p. 76)."  This shows us even more so how important it is to help students in poverty find purpose, meaning, and potential.

Practical Ways to Promote Meaning and Purpose
Frankl identifies three main ways: "(1) by creating a work or doing a deed; (2) by experiencing something or encountering someone; and (3) by the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering" (p. 111)


Work

• Students living in poverty have less exposure to college and professional career options.  College and career exploration is a great way to help students "ascend" the pyramid. 
• Career Cafes 
• Career professionals are invited to speak to students during their lunchtime.  Students learn about the profession and are given the opportunity to ask questions.
• Build connections with the Career and Technical Education programs at your local high school
• For example, the students in the Nursing program at our local high school will be coming to lead hands-on activities with fifth grade students interested in nursing.
• A Good Deed
• Work is not the only way to find meaning.  Frankl also discusses doing "a good deed."  Service projects and fundraisers are a great way to help promote an internal locus of control in students.  Instead of students asking, "What can I get?", they are challenged to ask, "What can I give?"

• Relationships

• Promoting positive relationships is a large part of our role as school counselor. 
• Staff Mentor Program
• Pair volunteer staff with students exhibiting behavior problems - focus on building a positive relationship between the student and staff member!
• "Steps to Respect" Program
• The program is scripted and a "ready to go" program that helps students learn and practice relationship-building skills with their peers.
• Meaning
• Part of my job is helping students find healing, whether it be going through their parents divorce or witnessing domestic violence.
• Frankl encourages us to go a step beyond this - not only can students find healing, but also meaning in their suffering.

 

Existential Vacuum

Frankl conducted a survey which found that 25% of American students showed signs of what he calls that "existential vacuum." Comparable to the Sunday afternoon "blah," the existential vacuum occurs when a person has a lack of meaning for their life.

*Depressed and suicidal students are likely to shows signs of the existential vacuum. 



School counselors can help provide meaning for students through:

• Classroom jobs
• Pairing them with mentors
• Peer helper programs
• Service projects
• Classroom buddies for new students 
• Connecting them with volunteer opportunities

One Last Point...Anticipatory Anxiety
One last point I would like to address is anticipatory anxiety.

The first school I worked at as a school counselor was an affluent, suburban school.  Many of our students, especially high achieving students, experienced anticipatory anxiety. They would become excessively worried before a test, in anticipation of a family change, or before applying for a club or leadership position.

Frankl discusses paradoxical intention. From a layman's perspective, this is basically giving the student permission to do whatever he or she fears will happen. For example, "I want you to miss as many problems as possible on your test." This will likely make the student laugh, but paradoxically giving the student permission to do this will actually ease their anticipatory anxiety.

Overcoming Obstacles Lesson

Small Group

I am currently running two small groups for upper grades students with low academic motivation. Some of these kids openly admit that they do not like school - and the underlying reason is often that school is difficult for them.  More difficult than it was for me and you.

Unconditional Positive Regard

Throughout this group, I have found it important to create a group environment that allows for honesty and discussion.  This group is not about students giving me the "right answers."  When I facilitate this small group, I remember one of the tenets of Carl Rogers' person-centered theory - unconditional positive regard.  This means that I accept the students as they are and without judgment.  The goal is not to tell them that they should like school.  The goal is to help uncover what is holding them back and inspire them to change.

I hope for light bulb moments - moments when they realize how their thought patterns hold them back or moments when they catch a piece of inspiration that can push them to do better.  I remember a session when one of the students shared damaging words from a relative about their potential for success.  Challenging these false beliefs and making connections for success is what this group is all about!

Videos

One thing I love to use with this group is videos.  Videos are visual, attention-grabbing, sometimes funny, and sometimes emotional.  When showing some of the videos, several of the boys have jokingly (or maybe it was truth in jest) said, "I'm going to cry!" 

When something triggers the emotional part of our brain, we tend to remember it better.

Below are several of the motivational videos I use as part of my work with these students.

Video #1



Discussion Questions:

• What was his dream?
• What stood in the way?
• What kept him going?

And the key is to always relate the content of the video back to their personal situation!

Video #2



Discussion Questions:

• What was his obstacle?
• How did he overcome it?
• How can our attitude influence our situation?

Video #3

Dear Jennifer: My Friend's Child Rough-Houses Too Much...What Do I Do?

Hi all,

After posting my blog, I received a question from a concerned parent.  First, let me begin by saying that I am not a parent myself (yet).  :)

Secondly, my college and graduate work, personal research, and many experiences working with parents have given me insight into the world of parenting.  I am not an expert, but I am learning.

Below is the question, and my response...

Question:

Recently I was in a situation where a friend's son was rough-housing with my son, beyond what he was comfortable with. The mom was addressing the problem, but with little change in her child's behavior.

It has been hard to know how to navigate so that my child was protected, while allowing this mom to be the mom. I ended up backing away from play dates for a few months, although my son expressed some concerns about play time with him at preschool. 
 

How do you recommend addressing this issue so that the needs of both children are honored, and so that the other parent involved is encouraged in her parenting, rather than feeling criticized by a frustrated mama-bear?

I felt really concerned that my son would think I wasn't protecting him if I didn't step in, but also concerned that I would be overstepping my friend's parenting responsibilities if I did so. How do you find an appropriate balance?

Wow, what a difficult question to answer!  Parenting is such a sticky issue because, especially as women, being a mother becomes a large part of our identity.  If someone suggests that our parenting is less than perfect, we equate ourselves with being incompetent.

So, first of all, let's recognize our humanity - allow for mistakes and value the grace we all need in learning to be a parent.  For indeed, it is a great learning undertaking!


Parenting Styles

There are four well known parenting styles - authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and uninvolved.  They all differ on the parent's level of warmth (acceptance) and expectations (control).  The below image from www.psychotherapyseattle.com provides a visual image of each parenting style.



In general, the authoritative parenting style with high levels of warmth and high expectation is found to be most effective.  However, in dangerous living conditions (e.g. neighborhoods with violence, drugs, and/or gangs), the authoritarian parenting style can be beneficial.

In my own opinion, I consider a parenting style more flexible than a personality.  They say that the main components of personality are formed by age 6.  Personality is rather stable.  However, I believe that parenting style is more intentional and flexible.

It is good to assess your own parenting style and see how your friend's parenting style may or may not differ.

So back to your question... :)

The "Sandwich" Approach

It is hard for any of us to hear criticism about ourselves or our children.  In general, I follow the "sandwich" technique when approaching a difficult conversation.  Layer the meat of "difficult information" with the bread of "positive information." 

I usually start a difficult conversation with a common goal we share. 

• For example, "I know my boy really enjoys playing with your Tommy.  I love that they can have play dates together." 

Now for the meat of the sandwich...it is always easier for us to accept advice or changes if we feel like the changes are self-directed - in other words, it was our idea.  The meat of the conversation should be a teamwork effort. 

• For example, "I've noticed that the boys rough-house when they are together, and sometimes I worry about one of them getting hurt.  What do you think we can do to help the boys stay safer?" 

This exchange is an adult to adult exchange.  It acknowledges the shared purpose and the value of the other individual's ideas. 

Since the other parent feels safe in this conversation, she is more likely to express her own frustrations or failed efforts.  This approach allows both of you the opportunity to share in a mutually beneficial conversation and generate ideas to set appropriate boundaries for the boys. 

Creating a Safe Environment

The key is creating a safe environment in which the other parent does not feel attacked.  When the other parent feels attacked, she goes into "fight or flight" mode.  She will either fight, argue, or defend herself and her child...or she will refuse to engage in the conversation.  Neither the "fight or flight" mode are beneficial in this situation.

Here are 4 steps to creating a safe environment:

1. Establish a mutual purpose. 
2. State your observations.
3. Elicit and value the other parent's feedback.
4. Share your feedback. 

If the parent continues to set boundaries that put your son at risk, it is your choice to restrict his time with the other child. 


Natural Consequences

For children who rough-house too much, limited play dates sometimes become a natural consequence of their behavior.  Parents and children who once were playmates begin to withdraw.  This natural consequence can help both the parent and child re-evaluate their behavior and modify as needed.

More Bulletin Board Ideas - Diversity and Leadership

As educators, we may love or despise bulletin boards, but they are often part of our job! 

I love to use them as a way to either display student work or to communicate important messages that align with our school's mission.

Below are some bulletin board ideas that I "re-created" for my office...

The bulletin board below is centered around diversity - in a kid-friendly way.  Although I keep it up year-round, it would be great during Bully Prevention Month or as summer approaches.

 

I love this next bulletin board - partly because I love the beach! 

 

My school is a Leader in Me school, which basically means we teach the 7 Habits (Sean Covey).  This bulletin board combines the best of both worlds - the beach and the 7 Habits.  Some of the ways to make footsteps worth following are:  "Work First, then Play", "Set Goals for Myself", and "Choose My Actions, Attitudes, and Moods." 

 

Below is a link to the "Fadeless Design Roll - Tropical Beach" that I used in the below bulletin board.  It can be bought from Stones Education at the following link.

 

Fadeless Design Paper - Tropical Beach

 



 



Door Decor

One thing I always loved to do at my first school was decorate my office door seasonally.  Below are some of the door décor ideas I used. 
 



 

  

This first decoration appeared on my door before the Holidays.  I simply used holiday bows from the Dollar Store to make a festive smiley face on my door. 

 

 My next theme was a winter theme.  It says, "We are all SNOW unique!"  Although I didn't do this, it would be fun to have a small group or class write ways they are unique and add it to this door display.

Below is my spring décor for my office door.  It would be cute to hot glue the Easter green grass that you can buy from Wal-Mart to the display to give it some texture and dimension. 

 

Lastly, below is my fall door décor - "Fall Into Good Habits."  My current school is doing the Leader in Me program by Sean Covey - and it would be neat to use the 7 Habits on the leaves.

 

Applications for the School Counselor from "Man's Search for Meaning" Part 1

This past month, I have been reading Man's Search for Meaning, written by Victor Frankl.  Victor Frankl was a doctor who experienced the horrors of the concentration camps during World War II, and then later treated patients recovering mentally and emotionally from the concentration camps.

One quote from the book reads, "An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior (Frankl, p. 20)." 

Application #1: When our students are going through divorce, abuse, homelessness, violence, or any other type of trauma, we can expect an abnormal reaction.  This may display itself as acting out - disruptive, threats, fighting, fits - or acting in - withdrawal, loss of interest in friends and school, self-harm, or thoughts of suicide.  This might be considered "normal" in the context of an abnormal situation.  Later in this post, we will talk about how to address these concerning reactions.

The book also discusses the 3 main phases the prisoners go through.  The second stage is apathy.  In this stage, the prisoner's dulls everything else to focus on one goal - survival. 

Application #2: While our students do not live in prisons, some do live in homes and neighborhoods where they live in fear because of violence, poverty, domestic violence, and abuse.  We must accept that psychologically they may appear egocentric - focused on themselves.  They may seem to only care about lunch and sleep, along with anything pleasurable - such as video games or recess.  These students may be focused on their survival due to the conditions in which they daily live.  So how do we help these students?

Application #3: First, Frankl discusses the importance of the inner life during the phase of apathy.  We can help students use visualization to find what motivates them and hold onto those powerful thoughts.  Art and nature also become very important.  When I say art, I am not just referring to painting or drawing.  It could be writing poems, singing songs, or making sculptures out of clay.

One interesting point Frankl made in his book is this: "To draw an analogy: a man's suffering is similar to the behavior of gas. If a certain quantity of gas is pumped into an empty chamber, it will fill the chamber completely and evenly, no matter how big the chamber.  Thus suffering completely fills the human soul and conscious mind, no matter whether the suffering is great or little. Therefore the 'size' of human suffering is absolutely relative (Frankl, p. 44)."

Application #4: This quote has important applications for the school counselor.  We may work with students who have recently lost a parent or are experiencing suicidal thoughts.  In our triage, these students rank highest and require priority attention.  However, we must not forget that other students facing problems lower on the triage are still experiencing suffering.  And, to them, it feels as if the suffering is experienced in their whole being. 

Feeling Balloon Balls - A Must Have

If you do not have these in your office, I highly, highly recommend making some!  I use these ALL of the time! 

They are great conversation starters with kids on how they feel that day.  Without me asking, sometimes they pull out a feeling balloon ball and say, "This is how I feel." 

They are also great assessment tools.  I may pull out the angry balloon ball and say, "Tell me about a time when you feel angry" or "What do you do when you feel this way?"

If a child feels shameful about feeling angry, sad, or scared, they are more willing to point to the balloon face than say that they feel angry, sad, or scared.

The kids (and adults) love these!  Apart from their counseling purpose, they are great fidget objects to use while talking to a counselor. 

 

Here is how to make them:

 

1. Get a pack of balloons.  I got a $1 pack from Wal-Mart.

2. Stretch the balloons.

3. Use a small funnel to transfer rice into the balloon.  (I use white, long-grained rice, but you could use other things in your balloons, such as flour or sprinkles.  Be careful what you use - if the balloon breaks, it could end up on your floor.)

4. Tie the balloon after it is round and full.

5. Use a permanent marker to draw the feeling faces on each balloon.

Creative Bulletin Boards

I have always loved the fact that my job allows me to be creative and "cute-sy"!  I don't think that word is in Webster's Dictionary.  :)

I love to see what other counselors are doing for Bulletin Boards and sometimes come up with ideas of my own.  Below are some of my favorite bulletin boards that I have done based on ideas from other counselors.

The first bulletin board's theme was "Feeling Puzzled?"  I did this with a co-counselor at the first elementary school I worked at.  It was a great way to help kids, parents, and staff know what we could help with!

 

 

Another bulletin board that was very fun to put together was our "Twister" bulletin board.  Yes, we actually used a Twister mat and spin board!  The kids LOVED the actual Twister wheel that they could spin positioned near the bottom right of the bulletin board.

 

 

 

More bulletin boards to come soon...