Why I Matter So Much (and Why YOU Do Too!)

The past few months have been quite stressful.  Working as a school counselor at a high needs school means lots of crisis intervention, lots of teacher consultation, and lots of individual counseling on serious issues. 

The title of this post may sound pompous.  If so, it is misunderstood.  It is not just why I matter so much, but also why YOU matter so much. 

This week, I had to remind myself that I am the most valuable therapeutic tool I have available.  CBT is great, and social skills training can be effective, but none of these techniques or tools compare to the value of myself.

If the students see me as approachable, they will seek me out.  If the students see me as safe, they will drop their defenses. If the students see me as trustworthy, they will share their hidden truths. If the students see me as caring, they will know that their feelings matter in this great big world.

Any counselor can SAY all of these things - "You can trust me.  Your feelings matter.  You are safe here."  But showing them WHO I AM is what welcomes their trust, respect, and confidence AND makes the difference.

 

Do you feel like you are less than approachable, less than safe, less than....how do you become who you want to be?  I have 2 quick rules that guide me as a school counselor.

1)  No child (or teacher) is an interruption.  Interruptions are part of my job (although they didn't make the official job description).  Deal with interruptions with grace - as if you were expecting the person.  Although boundaries are needed, never make a student feel like their feelings, needs, or presence are unwanted or unimportant.

2)  Be genuine.  The truth is I love my kids.  Carl Rogers speaks of congruence in person-centered therapy.  If you don't love your kids, if you have lost your passion, step back and reflect. Genuineness will fuel the extra emotional energy, the extra time, and the extra creative power you need to be an effective counselor.