Feeling Helpless as a First Responder

The First Responder
As a school counselor, I often feel like the first responder in a psychological crisis.  I am like the EMT that escorts the child to the psychological hospital (aka. the therapist's office) where most of the intense recovery work takes place. 

Unfortunately, for some of my students, the parents either do not have the resources or do not see the need for their student to receive counseling, and the child is left in my care.  I am the only "psychological" doctor they will see.

At a recent conference, I was grappling with the anxiety of being a first responder in trauma recovery.  After a presentation on trauma, I once again felt the helplessness of only being a school counselor. 

Hoping to find some inspiration, I pursued a conversation with the presenter. "Many students at my school are dealing with trauma."  I recounted a story to him of a child who had witnessed a terrifying domestic violence incident. The child sobbed in my office as she told me the story.  I felt helpless.  I knew this child needed support to process such a cruel act.  She herself felt helpless.  How could I, feeling helpless myself, help her? 

A Healing Relationship
In this moment, I was to be what Judith Herman (1997) calls "a healing relationship."  Peter Levine and Maggie Kline (2007) compare it to being "a band-aid or a splint. The band-aid or splint doesn't heal the wound, but protects and supports the body as it restores itself" (p.84).  Peace refers to this relationship as "the Constant" - a relationship we can recall in our memory that is comforting, consistent, and inspiring.  Peace says this relationship may be "your mom, a close friend...your cat, a deceased relative." 

In all three definitions, this healing relationship is consistent and provides a safe place for healing to occur. The school counselor is the band-aid.  The school counselor is the healing relationship.  The school counselor is the Constant to many children who have experienced trauma. 

Below are several research-based guidelines for establishing a safe, healing relationship with children who have experienced trauma.

1. Set boundaries.
After a child has experienced trauma, they may actively seek someone to relieve them of their pain.  The child may idealize the counselor, or another adult they trust.  They may set such high, impossible standards for the counselor that the counselor will inevitably fail.  Talk with the child about boundaries, and what you can and cannot do as their counselor (Herman, 1997).

2. Empower the student.
Do not assume the role of "rescuer", thereby allowing the child to stay in the role of "victim."  Herman (1997) warns that "the more the therapist accepts the idea that the patient is helpless, the more she perpetuates the traumatic transference and disempowers the patient" (p.142).  Give the child as much opportunity as possible to make choices, voice their feelings, and be their own advocate.  In the beginning, help the child establish safety by focusing on taking care of themselves (e.g. eating and sleeping routines), managing their post-traumatic symptoms, and developing trust. 

3. Care for yourself.
Listening to traumatizing stories day after day is exhausting.  You emotionally identify with the child, sometimes experiencing similar feelings of helplessness and fear.  As you hear and "re-live" these stories, you must grapple with existential questions like "How can a loving God allow this to happen?"  You may call into question some of your own relationships and find yourself being less trusting of others.  In order to care for the child through this emotional tumultuous process, you must also care for yourself.

Herman (1997) compares trauma recovery to running a marathon.  It is not a single event.  It is not one single moment in time where the child bares their soul.  Instead, it is a slow process that requires honesty, grit, and a healing relationship.

I do not suggest that trauma recovery work should take place in the school setting.  However, trauma and its symptoms are brought to school everyday.  The school counselor must be prepared to be a first responder to children in trauma. While we may not be the private practice counselor that processes the traumatic event with the child, we do want to be a safe, healing relationship for the child.


References
Levine, P. A. & Kline, M (2007). Trauma through a child's eyes. Berkeley, California: North Atlantic Books and Lyons, Colorado: ERGOS Institute Press.
Herman, J (1997). Trauma and recovery. New York, NY: Basic Books.
Peace (unknown). Psychopath free.